i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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