i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
