She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
