I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize