are you so shy because you have an std?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
