my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
