Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
