why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
