HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
