I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
