Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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