i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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