Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
then he tried to convert me to islam
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
