I wanna passion pit in your ass
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
