honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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