You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
