i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This baby is an asshole
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
