I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
