i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
