i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
