I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
