i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
