Say something about gay babies.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
