He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
