If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
