He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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