dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize