who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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