I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
