All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
