franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
