I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
