i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
