he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize