Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
