yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
