So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
