Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
