Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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