Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
