I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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