I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize