you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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