Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
