She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
