got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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