I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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