I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
