So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
