..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
