At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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