There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
