Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
