Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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