So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize