Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize