So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
