also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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