There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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