3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
