she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
