I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm just crazy horny about you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
