this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
