He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
