I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
