theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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