Will you blow on my dice?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
