I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
