i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
