Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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