Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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