Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
is it fun? or sober?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
