A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
