just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize