im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
