I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
