I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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