I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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