I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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