I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
